Take a look at that word. Then think about your friends. Let it sink in. Are they really your friend? Do they actually care?
It’s nice (sometimes) to reflect on your friendships. Throughout the course of a year you can make a ton of new friends and at the same time lose some close ones. I did that today. It’s my birthday. I took some time to reflect on the last year - I asked myself, what did I do with myself this last year?
Well lets see. This time last year I was in what I thought was an awesome relationship. It’s one of the best birthdays I’ve had. It lasted straight through Jan 2nd. I don’t remember much but the pictures tell me it was fun. I was president of my Fraternity. I did the long distance thing for a while until I got cheated on - always fun. I then proceeded to…well…do what most guys do after something like that. Lets just say it went very well and we’ll leave it at that. After all, everything that gets posted on the Internet stays here forever - dunno what I want coming to bite me back in the ass someday. I had my very first internship. My first lobbying experience with politicians (dirty scumbags). I got a dog who is my best friend now. I beat the system (my friends know what that one means). I started my last semester in college. I made a ton of new friends. And finally, I graduated just a few weeks ago.
I have lost some friends I considered to be very close to me. It’s sad to think about. But on the other hand I’m happy about it. I needed to set some standards for myself. I suggest you do the same if you haven’t already.
What I mean is - I am such a people pleaser. I don’t like conflict. I like to please everyone, because - hey - everyone likes to be liked. I am an attention whore to the closest definition of the phrase. But I was letting myself get run all over. I mean for heaves sakes I got cheated on and somehow justified it in my head! Retarded. So I’ve cut the excess, or have tried to, out of my life.
My number one standard is loyalty. You must be a loyal person to be my friend because I will give you my full loyalty. I will not stab you in the back and I will back you up as best I can when you are wronged. I am a very pack-mentality person. If one person in my “tribe” is in trouble I like to be there for them and I expect the same in return.
Standard number two is caring. I’m a caring person. Like I said, I like to be liked. But in a genuinely so. So if you’re my friend you’ll know I care.
Those are my two golden standards. If you don’t fit, I don’t consider you a friend. An acquaintance perhaps. But if I feel otherwise or wronged or betrayed or that you’ve taken the wrong side (i never use to believe in “taking sides”) then you can go fuck yourself - you don’t deserve my friendship.
So if you find, that after reflecting on your friendships, you were like me. Make the adjustment. At first I was hesitant and regretted severing certain ties. But when I think about it in the long run….1) I’m still young. 2) There are a lot more people that will come in and out of my life. 3) there are 6 billion people I can choose my friends from. 4) I am a genuinely good person and its a privilege to be my friend, and when I make a new friendship I want that persons friendship to be a privilege for me.
I JUST FINISHED COLLEGE
WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW?
Yesterday it hit me. not for the first time, but it hit me how to articulate it.
Relationships are literally like chapter books. You can typically think of your relationships as a sequence of events, sort of like chapters in a book. Sometimes it can go like this:
chapter 1- the first time you met, perhaps didn’t even think you would date
chapter 2- the first time you were intimate
chapter 3- relationships and friends
chapter 4- opening up
chapter 5- first fight
chapter 6- pinnacle relationship changing event
chapter 7- one person starts to drift
chapter 8- the paranoia
etc…..until you get to the final chapter. That’s the chapter when you come to terms with the break up. When you realize its over. And like the last few words of a book, its really hard to fathom that you just spent that long, putting all that effort into reading this book, and it’s just…over. But you have no choice. The story is over. You can always re-read the book but it will never be the same as the first time.
And you really only forget about the book or stop talking about how great it was once you find a new book…..
life’s crazy. don’t you agree?